absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
