Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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