ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
