Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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