went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
