whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
