I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
