just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
