I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
