why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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