ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
whose parrot is this?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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