Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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