tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
