Nicole vs. Life
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
