I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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