Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
