Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
