ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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