Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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