The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
