ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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