Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize