The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
