I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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