Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
