I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
