Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
