hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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