Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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