I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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