You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
