It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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