Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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