I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
