Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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