the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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