I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
