he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
