Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
