we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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