You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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