I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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