My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
