I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i barfeds in our rink
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
