I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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