There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
