is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
