are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize