he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
