My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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