My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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