I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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