I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
