No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
