your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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