It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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