I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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