I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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