i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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