Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
