Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
only you would photoshop your dick
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
