I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
