so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
