You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
