What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
