we made out on top of his cat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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