That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this is an emotional support booty call
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
