STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Life is so much better after having sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
