i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
