So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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